many nights I just can't get to sleep fast enough & it's usually on nights like this. 3:45 & counting...
for a split second today, remembering her being gone came as such a surprise, I chuckled in disbelief. it's just short of 2 months & for some reason it feels as if I haven't seen her in so long.

as mentally/emotionally healthy as I can be, as ( Read more... )

sometimes my heart is so heavy with the sadness of losing her, I can't wait for the following day to start fresh. it's purely selfish. how can it not be, when there's been this much suffering. suffering no soul should bear. but some selfishness is only natural, especially with a parent.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

There are very specifics reasons I don't intertwine specific family members.

I don't regret those final days but I've hesitated the weave before it even started. There's a balance in this world & with the beauty of those days comes an aftermath to deal with. All out of my control, obviously.

Some people bury their demons instead of facing them. I ( Read more... )

My sweet Duey. You gave me a gift I could have never seen coming. Thank you for honoring me with gifting you to our God. After all, he gifted us with you for this long now. You're now my guardian angel. Come give be biz biz once in a while.


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RIP Ray.
I'm glad she found you now than not ever.


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I've never really paid attention to when life started becoming different. Each chapter has been intense & life changing. Some more than others, of course. But these last 5 years... they've been filled to the brim with love, laughter, growth, grief. Learning the truth to letting go, & the battles of what to really hold on to, even just as your ( Read more... )

RIP Larry & Judson.

Almost everyone has made their trips to see Mom. What happens when we all retreat?

When nothing said makes sense, her "I love you" always sounds the same.
I'm grateful for that. I'm grateful that for the moment, I can call back & hear that again.

I don't think my mind or stomach will settle down in regards to my mom's health, or lack there of. Not until she's finally at rest anyway.

Everybody has been dying off, & in moments of helplessness, I feel void.

Another day sober. Another day loving. Another day being the man I was meant to be. That's all one could ask for anyway.

I miss you, Nyk.


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i've never been so anxiety ridden for this long. and if i was, i didn't notice due to whatever reason(s) i was putting there. looking inward & talking hasn't helped as much as i'm used to.
i'm obviously just needing to conquer. create something new.


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